The wild ride of life

•February 9, 2013 • Leave a Comment

I have been watching Beverly HIlls 90210 and I have thinking OMG what a soap opera drama with all the this happens then this happens….but it got me thinking….my own life is something of a soap opera….

First I was abused as a child, then my parents divorced when I was 12, my mother ended up in a relationship with another woman, I moved out at 17, was raped, thought I could be HIV positiive. I married young, had a baby, was diagnosed with a mental illness. I divorced, was in an abusive relationship. Want a soap opera? Just look at my life. Maybe this is part of the reason why I can cousell so effectively cause just about everything that gets thrown at me I can identify with….

Not a sob story, justĀ  a chronicle really….I really am very lucky to be where I am today, a strong woman who has survived alot.

2013 Goals

•January 8, 2013 • Leave a Comment

So I decided to share my goals for this year in the hope that you all can help provide motivation and support as I try to reach them. So here they are:

  • Lose 20 kilos at a rate of 1.6 kilos per month
  • Get the house cleared out – ready to move in December
  • Develop my spirituality, meditate, write, pray
  • Save $5000 – so far have $2000 saved
  • Make time for hobbies – play piano and guitar (bought a new guitar)
  • Stay connected to friends – so far have seen three friends this year, not bad for 8 days

so those are my goals. I am working towards them slowly. I have been exercising more recently with my friend Nic a bit which has been good. I look forward to receiving your support through the year.

Boring people are bored

•January 8, 2013 • Leave a Comment

Is it true? Is it only boring people that get bored? Have I become one of the boring people? I have found myself just feeling so bored and out of sorts that nothing seems interesting. And even things that should be fun have become boring too. I so need a tribe. I need to be living on a commune where there are lots of people and things to do with people so I am not alone so much of the time. And what do I do…write blogs about being bored.

An interesting day

•November 21, 2012 • 1 Comment

So today was interesting in some ways I am not so sure about.

For those not in the know earlier this year I was diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder or multiple personalities. Generally speaking I manage this pretty well and most people wouldn’t notice huge changes, expect maybe captain awesome.

Anyhow, I was at work at there was a conversation between two people about self harm. One said to the other:
“imagine being a mother with a child and the child asks you what are all those scars on your arms?”

I quietly pulled my sleeves down and left the lunch room. I doubt they were aware why I left the room, or even are aware that I have scars but it touched something inside me that created a rumble and rumbled away all afternoon while I sat through training on fire awareness. It rumbled so loud that by 3.45pm I just had enough and I left work 15 mins early hoping no one would notice.

So now I was driving home and for a brief moment someone popped out who did not know how to drive. It was incredibly scary as I was driving and all of a sudden felt like I had never driven before, but then who ever it was popped back in again and all was well.

Managing this is something I have to learn I guess but it has made me a bit scared and tired. I am glad it is my weekend now and I can just rest tomorrow and do nice things for myself, but if I ever needed a reason as to why I dropped a day a week, today was definitely it.

Feeling a bit out of the loop and would like hugs.

Fighting the good fight

•November 20, 2012 • Leave a Comment

So here I am once again, fighting the good fight against the evil death sticks. I am on day nine now and I am still struggling, headaches, tiredness to name just a few of the horrid side efffects of giving up nicotine. Really makes you think about the crap they put into smokes. The other effect is crawling skin…quite hard to explain this one but it is really uncomfortable and makes me feel snarly. In hindsight would have made more sense to try quitting in the holidays, but I am already here now, struggling along through work. It is my Friday tomorrow so I am thankful for that!

I am not giving in, I really want to be free of nicotine addiction.

36 years

•November 7, 2012 • Leave a Comment

So it is my birthday in a few days and it has gotten me thinking about where I have come from. So let’s travel back 5 years at a time.

31 years old – This was an interesting time for me, living in Gilmore in my friends house while she was overseas, dating a not so nice man, working at PANDSI as a support worker. I am pretty sure this was the year I went to court too, charged with negligent driving which I pled guilty to although in hindsight I hadn’t done anything wrong. Had a major episode with bi polar this year and was pyschotic but managed to avoid hospital. All up not the best year of my life.

26 years old – I had a one year old baby boy and was married to his dad. I was slowly working through the post natal depression that had taken over my life. I did a lot of house work this year an honestly not much else, went to mothers groups and playgroups…an entirely different world.

21 years old – I lived with my older sister and my baby niece. This was the year I finished my first degree in communications. Was also a year of struggles with bi polar and two hospitalisations

Interesting times I have had through my life and look how far I have come. This year has been one of stability, job satisfaction, a stable relationship with an interesting kind man and no major bi polar blips. So far this year has been one of chasing goals. spending time with friends, outings to fun times – seeing plays and the Bell Shakespeare production of Macbeth. Interesting psychiatric times with a diagnosis of DID but coping and managing things ok. I can’t wait to see what the next year brings.

Wake up call

•July 29, 2012 • 1 Comment

I think this past week has been something of a wake up call. Ended up having really bad pain in my side and went to the doctor (not my normal doctor). He tested my wee and basically said, you have ketones go straight to hospital. And so off we went and then spent the next two days in and out of emergency trying to figure out what was wrong. The good news was I didn’t need an insulin infusion as my sugars had come down, but it really was a wake up call. I haven’t been looking after myself properly or treating the diabetes as it needs to be treated. I have had days where I have forgotten my insulin and where I eat all the wrong foods and this is really not good for my body. I am struggling to come to terms with this and with the fact that I really need to make a permanent ongoing change in my lifestyle.

I guess it doesnt help, or maybe it does I don’t know, that the GP I saw roused at me and told me that all my organs were going to be damaged by my sugars. Made me feel sad and scared but also ashamed that I haven’t been able to alter my lifestyle properly. Of course the feelings of shame and badness drive me straight to food, so I have spent the last couple of hours eating and then feeling shit about eating….vicious circle much? Sigh.

But I am not giving up, tomorrow is a new day and I got to start trying to make that change.